Uncles are always capable of doing all the cool stuff your own dad is too lame to do. Everyone has an uncle who served in a war. Everyone has an uncle who shows up to family gatherings drunker than Churchill quoting Hemingway. Everyone has an uncle with a cool motorcycle. Everyone has an uncle who is
Despite their reality bending powers, Uncles get such a bad rep, especially in the media. Gotta problem with the government? Screw Uncle Sam! Black guy who sold out? He's an Uncle Tom! Surprised by something trivial? You're a Monkey's Uncle. You got terrible taste in music? Listen to Uncle Kracker! You're getting your ass beat? Say Uncle! Wanna ruin both your rapping and acting career? Make Uncle P!When did we as a society begin to lose so much respect for our parent's brothers?
Why are our cartoons flooded with uncles? Every adult cartoon character apparently has a floozy brother or sister randomly popping out offspring and dropping them off with their relatives. And we never see these siblings. The worse offender are those damned Ducks. Donald Duck is the uncle of Huey, Dewey, and Pop, who is in turn uncled by Scrooge McDuck. Where are all of their fucking parents?? My guess is that Scrooge had all of them murdered so that he can be the legal guardian.
|There is no "love" in "deductible"|
The one consolation is that those two fine nieces of mine love spending time with me and bring joy to my heart. I guess at the end of the day, those are all of the powers that I need.
|At the very least, the powers of the Pumaman.|