Friday, November 8, 2013

First Response Team of Internets

Sometime last week, some schmuck wrote an article titled Marriage Isn't For You which details, incidentally, not how the author found out that he was not suited for marriage, but how he realized that the point of being married was to provide happiness to his mate, not himself. If you haven't read it, it was a sweet little article about how a normal, flawed man got a lesson in life on not being a shitty husband from his dear old dad, and how his wife found time to love him between clumsily falling down and bumping into doors.

Whoops, wrong couple.

But as we know, for every story a person has to tell, there's at least 1 other person who has a more better story, but with lasers and free buffets, in this case, God. This response piece might as well be called "Marriage Isn't For You: It's for Christians trolololol" because the guy completely missed the point. Don't even get me started about his disabled comments section. Anyways, that nice Christian boy with the running shoes added his unwanted two cents, so I guess we can move on with our lives.

OR, mention the article in your own article, and then rehash the whole thing instead of just linking to the article.  Bonus points if your article is fucking longer than the original. Better yet, how about writing a counter article and litter it with cat pictures and faulty logic, such as "Also, no one cares if you get married…" when this guy obviously does.The internet is littered with stories about the guy's post, everyone's personal response to what he had to say, what he had to say about what everyone else had to say, what the wife thought, and we're currently waiting to hear what Ja Rule thinks.

These "Response To" Articles are  ridiculous. Whatever happened to the comments section? A simple "your wrong, lbs" would have been sufficient. "Response to" Article Writers are like beefing rappers, with more desire for street cred and less witty synonyms (nailed it!). They are agenda wielding brow beating attention whores who's sole purpose on the internet is to spread the word on shit nobody cares about. For every article out there, there are 3 articles of people patting the author on the back, 4 articles about how they only slightly disagree with the original author, and 2 articles telling the author to go fuck themselves. That marriage article itself made such a huge splash on the internet that it caused massive tidal waves in Second Life.

Even Virtual Japan is not safe.

Now and to sit patiently and wait for someone to make a "Response To" article to this blog.

Fuck you guys :(

Monday, November 4, 2013

Short and Sweet

So today marks the second year of me being together with Honey Badger: the day she lured me back to her burrow with the promises of television and possibly beer, leaving me with love rabies and a Honey Badger-shaped bite mark on my right shoulder.

I now have to feed her my fresh blood daily to keep her satiated
If there's anything I can say about the past two years, is that it's been... interesting? Being in a serious relationship is some serious business, and its not all fun and games. You don't get to have sex all the time, or when you want. You have to delete all most of your pornography, and you definitely cannot leave the toilet seat up. Apparently, there's something about female urination which prevents them from checking if the toilet seat is up, possibly because their eye lids and their urethra open and close at the same time. As hilarious as it is to hear shrill cries of wet-bottomed rage, DO NOT DO THIS.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs. We have our go-to arguments, we piss each other off, but at the end of the day we know that the only reason that shit gets as bad as it does is because we care. We care enough to get that angry, we care enough to forgive, and we care enough to do it all over again.

It's hard to explain why my love for this woman is so strong. To me, there's this warmth that she gives off that I find irresistible. It could be the hottest day ever and she could comfort me with this inexplicable radiance.

It also helps fend off evil Kung-Fu Masters
For better or for worse, I happily accept the many changes that have come as a result as placing this beautiful, intelligent, and feral woman into my life. I pray that you readers out there in the intertubes would be as blessed to be as happy as I am right now.

I'd be happier with a 3DS and Pokemon X/Y (hint, hint)