|Pictured: Graph of me lying on my back|
But a frustration of mine has brought me back: a constant bane to the advancement of human life. We spoke briefly about it earlier, fan(s); the dreaded walking, talking pedestrian. Pedestrians have been issues since ancient times. Romans, who pretty much invented cities and all the fuckery that comes along with them, were aware of the terrible power of the pedestrian.
I am lucky enough to be able to work from home most days (one of the many reasons this blog came to a screeching halt) but when I do have to come into the office, I very often find myself one Prada bag bump away from a murder conviction. I tend to try to obey the rules of the road when walking. However, I'm starting to think that those aren't actually a thing. The average pedestrian only follows the rules of an 80's movie cop.
|He only marches to one beat: NONE|
|They should have just invited her to a festival on Coruscant|
Just today I was walking down the street when I noticed a woman walk by wearing a jacket from the same sorority of my future wife. I would have spoken but she was glued to her phone, headphones in and plowing through the other mindless pedestrians. Not even a handsome, cordial gentlemen trying to speak of shared experiences is no match for immediate human need of sharing hilarious cat pictures.
|"Haha I totally have to share this video of stupid people getting hit by Cyclists"|
-Stupid woman about to get hit by Cyclist
The worst part, I mean the absolute worst part of this? We're all guilty of it. We've all checked a text message while walking and bumped into some poor kid on crutches. Even I, a creature of unparalleled grace and majesty, will occasionally stop mid stride to contemplate on deep thoughts such as how to be a contributor to the betterment of people of color and try to remember if Alyson Court was the Camp Champ in Care Bears 2 (It was Cree Summer by the way). So remember fair reader(s): Before you brutally murder the three guys walking side by side at fart travelling speed, just remember that one day, past, present, or future, you have, will, or will be one of those guys. And I'll be the person behind you. And you wouldn't want me to murder you,right?
Here's a spoiler: I'd murder you to death.
|Pictured: Potential Murder Victims.|