Thursday, July 9, 2015

Trender's Game

You know what kills me about trends? The completely random timing of their popularity. We've previously spoken about the unwarranted zombie trend.  I can understand trends which are started to curb market fluctuation, such as "chocolate is good for you" when chocolate sales are down. But some of this shit just comes out of nowhere, for no reason.

Has anyone else noticed how Sriracha is all over the place all of a sudden? I swear we went from people asking not to have any of that hot red shit put on their Vietnamese Sandwiches to stupid ass Sriracha menus at Taco bell. How do you add one little thing to a couple of your items and call it a new fucking menu? I'd love to see someone try to start adding extra Mustard to different menu items and try to get away with an ALL NEW MUSTARD MENU
If there's one thing white people can do (besides not jump and legally steal everything ever), its make mayonnaise out of anything. So accordingly, Sriracha mayo is now a thing, and my hypocritical ass loves it.

Do you remember one day, back in 1995, when you were watching Friday and Ice Cube told Angela Means' character that her presence was, in fact, no longer warranted? Do you remember walking out of the theater and going "Man that was the funniest part of the movie! I'm going to say that all of the time"? You don't? BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. The line isn't even that memorable. So why are people doing it now? Of all times? Sure it's humorous if posted as a response with an image macro, but to say that shit to a person, IN PERSON? Why? Imagine using it out of context for the first time:

Person 1: Hey girl what's up?
Person 2: None of your business. Bye Felicia!
Person 1: .... my name is Tony......
Person 2: Haven't you seen Friday?
Person 1: Uh yeah. So?
Person 2: Don't you remember the part where Craig tells Felicia bye?
Person 1: Yeah... And?

Unless the target's name is actually Felicia, you probably should not say this. I mean, take any other obscure line from an old popular movie and use it randomly out of context. For example:

Person 1: I told him I would help him, but dealing with him is so stressful.
Person 2: Tisean is dead. All you got is you. Now you gotta save you.
Person 1: What the fuck are you talking about?

This is the procedure, BITCH
You know what the biggest offender of ridiculous trends is? Muck Fothering hashtags. Dear humans, please be aware that using hashtags seriously is crossing the streams of fuckery. By jumping on any of these trends you leave yourself to be eternally linked with the worst people imaginable. 

You don't want to know who uses #humpday
Right now there is some lady with the user name NaziPedoPoacher re-tweeting your favorite hashtag. Trending is bad. Don't do it. #shameonyou.

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