Monday, February 22, 2016

I Have No Brain and Must Scream

This past week, after playing video games  being a productive member of society I decided to browse the Facebooks. What I saw spurred me to toss my phone into the depths of Oblivion. But I was too lazy so I settled for the depths of a Few feet from the couch. What horrors did I see? Do you truly want to glimpse into the madness? OK Sure here yah go:

I get that the Internet is a haven for expression and free speech. It's one of the reasons I am able to create this amazingly awesome blog. Unfortunately it is also why stuff like this is able to exist. I didn't know "Beyoncé is an agent of Satan" is a real thing and has real people on Facebook talking to other real people about this in all seriousness. Here look!

This is real, people
At what point in your supposedly God-fearing life does this make sense? To anyone ever? Did this person just wake up, late one night in a cold sweat like "Illuminati! Beyoncé! It all makes sense! Thank you Jesus I'll report to facebook on your behalf right away! Lesbians!" I haven't been to a church service in a while, but is this the kind of shit the pastor covers at service now? This isn't just one insane person coming up with this stuff. This is a full blown, "I saw it on the internet so it must be true" conspiracy where people are deeply analyzing videos to find triple 6s and upside down triangles and any other pieces of nonsense they can find to help their reasoning sound legitimate. At this point Beyoncé is probably up there with video games and Dungeons and Dragons as evil incarnate.

I may have missed this game in the series...

People crank out malarkey on their mobile devices and keyboard faster than what science can barely classify as their brain is able to verify the viability of it. Phrases like "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" or "think before you speak" mean nothing when you have the anonymity of the internet to protect you. OH WAIT. Most of these people will openly post using their Facebook accounts without a thought! Politicians, music entertainers, teachers, and even that one old guy at Costco will brazenly display their stupidity. People will miss a joke and lash out violently or say shit like The NFL has been around longer than the government  because hey; who has time to think, fact check, and make sure I don't make a fool of myself when I can respond right damned now! Some people's ignorance is so far behind current standards that they have embraced lost ideologies of the past.

I routinely post nonsense on the internet which I think is funny, But that's exactly what it is. Nonsense that I find humorous. Half the time I don't even believe the stuff I am saying. Usually when I think of something profound whilst taking a shit, I take some time and think about how not profound it is before I eventually blog about it here. But there are living, breathing, VOTING people who have brought children into the world and work jobs where people's livelihoods are at stake who routinely say the most incomprehensible shit imaginable and mean it and these people will not take a first thought before posting. Needless to say, hilarity ensues.

This is totally reasonable commentary for a White police officer in Flint, Michigan after two black people are murdered.

The desire to share one's thoughts to as many people as possible for praise and recognition should come after one first confirms that they, in fact, have a significant thought to share. Every stupid thing you say on the internet is like a mini time capsule which could be opened at any moment by anyone. Whether it's your boss seeing your Instagram photo with racist and sexist comments at a restaurant, your kid seeing all your Facebook posts debating your previous desire for an abortion, or an angry Predator who saw you live tweeting AvP and claiming that you would have kicked his ass; some things are better left unsaid. There's a thin line between looking like a fool online and losing your job because you thought it would be funny to make a post about hoping President Obama would be assassinated.

I think i'll avoid social media for some time and just read more professional articles. At least they check themselves before they wreck themselves.

Well, fuck.

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