Thursday, December 10, 2015

Random Thots of the Day

Slang is an interesting beast. It is memetic in nature: people start using certain words or phrases in small pockets for the purpose of easier communication or exclusivity, and it somehow catches on with a greater audience. For example, did you know that people use X-mas instead of Christmas because when Christ was crucified, his IBS caused much displeasure for the guards who were posted at the base of Golgotha, so they tilted the cross to resemble an X so his farts did not blow down wind.

This is also where the the phrase "shit rolls down hill" comes from.
Sometimes, I just don't get slang or how it catches on. Like the day my mother-in-law said she was "Feeling some type of way" I immediately felt some type of way. My life experience has taught me however, that putting a gun to your own head results in either a fiendish satyr imposing ironic torture onto you or causes your personality to manifest into a physical form and fight demons. Neither of these were a suitable outcome, so I just rolled with it.

In particular, the one piece of slang which has recently driven me bonkers is "thot". For those of you unaware (which included me circa three weeks ago), thot is in fact an acronym for "That Ho Over There". It is popularized in social media and music, and has become a mainstay in the modern lexicon. BUT WHY THOUGH?

My issue is not with the acronym itself, but the viability of it's usage given a specific ho spacial arrangement. How is it possible to designate a Ho as a Thot if there are multiple feasible Thots? Let's take a look at the below Thot Minimum Spanning Tree:

Figure 1

There are three ho's in proximity to the subject. Trying to determine which one is the thot is impossible  as "over there" is vague and lacks an actual measurement of distance. Is the Thot the closest ho? Is she the furthest? The next step is to apply Ho factors to each potential thot.

Figure 2

By adding a Ho Factor to each potential thot, we can determine the biggest Ho. To do this we divide the Ho's Ho Factor by her distance from the subject to calculate the Ho Factor/Distance Ratio. We get the following values for each Ho:

A: 0.5
B: 0.889
C: 0.222

Based on these calculations, Ho B is the biggest Ho in proximity, thus qualifying her as the Thot in this situation. Unfortunately the idea of a Ho factor is absurd, considering that defining a woman as a Ho is  highly subjective and even if it were not, the ability to ascertain such information prior is nigh impossible.

Regardless of how we determine which ho is the Thot, what if there is a Ho with an equivalent Ho Factor/Distance Ratio? What if the Thot moves closer to the subject?  Does she become This Ho Right Here (THRH) or just a Ho? Does the next Thot in line usurp her position?

Soon, bitch.
It's safe to say that not only is it rude and misogynistic to refer to a woman as a Thot, it is also scientifically unsound. My recommendation is just to learn them hos' names.

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